what should i do?

been thinking a lot
i don't know what to do
even i love to do the thing and been planning it for so long
yet things are so complicated
that's why i really find it so hard and act on it
still i have no power to do such things i wanted
even i love
and for such reason i have many things to (be) consider
and those things that i need to acknowledge
hay...
life are really amazing hehehehe...
so gotta go first...
i wish things will be okay soon!

...drain

i feel drain today...
after the whole week
of comprehensive exam
and
almost two months study
but i guess
this will be a good step
next stop!
the paper (my mini-thesis)
arrrccccchhhhhh :,-(

...a letter to you

for you,

...there are thousand words to say,
but, what it would be...

always,
gab

...notion number seven

by gab david
august 10, 2005

emotions just suddenly drifted
slowly away from the shore,

in the shadow ness of the clouds
that meant to cover the aching eyes,
closing the way to anguish ness
that terrified the tiny tear drop,

memories of the past
which keep on lurking inside,
that it can easily grasp by bare hands
and even hold it on for the time being,

yet it was already gone
like the ashes sitting in the nightfall,
that was suddenly blew away
by the ranging wind from the west,

then it was vanished
totally gone,
with even no markings from the side
it just merely swept away in the firmament…

...notion number six

if I lift myself,
will my life be alright,
like the bicycle droves in the street of nothing hill

if I shared my steps to them,
would it be perfect,
like the river that drifts in the mountain

if I chose to do your way,
would it be the best path,
will it be the way thru the edge of tranquility

if I let my life put on silence,
like the soundless room of deep blue ocean,
would it make me more human to you

if I close my eyes,
like the blind and never open it until I depart,
would I still see your sweet and naïve face...

-gab david

another ordinary day...

at 6.45 in the morning (5th of august year 2005)
the coldness of the room is so solemn
that even an angry beast shall have the sudden solemnity inside
from the midst of my comfort ness of sleep
a sudden sprung of ring
that evolve from nowhere
ring ring ring (nokia tone –which I use)
grasping and eagerly searching for my phone
and even my tiniest brain cells that lurking inside me
had suddenly move fast and started to connect each other
I immediately check on my cell phone
with no hesitation on my part
on my surprised
there was neither name nor number appeared
only a “CALL” word
keep on blinking everytime my phone ring
frightened and puzzled
a little courage on my part just pop in
with exaggeration on it
even the atoms and neutrons inside me were bumping each other
so, I said “hello?!?”
while waiting for the other side
a frolicsome voice just appeared
saying – with a command voice “GABRIEL YOU WAKE UP!”
feeling a little, just few second, hesitation on my part
then, I immediately recognize the voice
and felt the sudden relief with a smile on my face
guess what who’s on the other side
to my surprise
my ever dearest aunt cecil – 4th sister of my mom and bestfriend
who lives in america for more than 20 years
just want to say hello and ask how am I doing
a little bit of this and that
then a chit chat from there to there
and lastly, both of ask saying take care and I love you
then the line just stop!
it was past 7 in the morning…

...notion number five

how many times we ask ourselves
“…does anyone or anybody out there remembers me?”
or sometimes we ask GOD
the same question and even we tend to me demanding asking it
it’s ironic to do that and say
we, human being, always this attitude
the capacity to be demanding with command
which we tend to do it sometimes, if not all the time,
and in some it is more often
or it is “innate” – parasites
when human being felt the sadness starts to drift on our heart
the tendency is that
we draw away ourselves
its like it slam in the epitome of life
now, I ask my self again?
is there somewhere out there really think of me,
even just past through their mind,
like a drop of rain on a forehead of a young boy
playing out side together with his friends
but mind you this
a friend of mine once said that
“everytime you feel sad and sudden emptiness visits you,
in a cold and hush day,
don’t feel alone
because you are not alone,
actually, still there is one person here in this world
that thinks of you at the same time…”
with that, I came to realize,
with little bit happy on my face,
that being alone is not really to be afraid of
just be yourself and smile
and think that a sweet and jolly person out there
really think of you …

a frolicsome day for us...

this are things, simple but funny notions,
we gathered while having our unplanned treck
that give us a great experience
that we will be cherishing for the rest of our lives…
I would like to give my deepest thanks to my partners
whom I shared this funny and memorable experience
I salute you guys
‘til our next trip ;-)

1.

Kapag 5 am ang napagusapang 'call time' dahil sa nais salubungin ang pagsikat ng araw sa dagat, siguraduhing magigising lahat at wag mag "5 minutes pa!". Huwag na din mag-intay na gumising ang iba, ikaw na mismo ang manggising (pero sa totoo lang, dapat mas maaga pa ang gising kung gusto talaga makita ang sunrise).

2.
Kung ikaw ang unang nagising, aba'y maligo ka na! Pero kung di mo nais maligo dahil pupunta nga naman kayo sa beach, sabihan agad ang iba para di maghintayan kung sino ang mauuna. Nagtutulug-tulugan lang yan at naghihintayan.

3.
Kung maaari lang sana ay siguraduhing kumpleto ang lahat ng dadalhin nung gabi pa lang. Pero kung dahil sa pagod sa biyahe at paggala e makaligtaan ito, gumising na lang ng maaga para makapag-ayos. Mas mainam kung gumawa ka muna ng listahan para dito.

4.
Palaging paalalahanan si Kahlou kung ok na lahat tulad ng tubig ng kotse, oil ng kotse, etc. lalo na ang hangin sa gulong. Mahirap maghanap sa daan kasi marami sa mga gasolinahan e kagulat-gulat na walang hanginan!

5.
Siguraduhin talaga na may checklist (reiterate!) at idobol check ito, para habang nagnagmamaneho si Kahlou eh biglang maalala na may nakalimutan at sumigaw na "Crap! Wala tayong towel!", "Wala tayong banig!" at kung anu-ano pa...

6.
Pero pinakamahalaga sa lahat! Bago umalis, siguraduhing nai-lock nga naman ang pintuan ng bahay bago lumarga! Masyado kasi naexcite, nakakalimutan na.

7.
Kapag sinabi ng pupunta ng beach, tandaan na dalhin ang extra shorts and slippers para di kailangang makipag-bargain sa palengke para makahanap ng murang damit, at di magkasya sa damit ng bata (hihihi!)

8.
Kung maghahanap man sa palengke ng damit, wag na umasa na may makitang kaaya-aya o tamang-tama sa gusto nya dahil limited talaga ang choices sa palengke. AT kung wala na talaga mapili, pwede na din siguro magkasya sa mabulaklak at maiksing pangbabae na shorts (hehehe)

9.
Kapag may nagsabi na certain someone na sasama sya, eh wag ka ng maniwala kasi dakilang hari ng ka-drawingan itong taong ito.

10.
At kung makatanggap ka man ng text sa taong ito na "asan na kayo?" ... magtaka kayo kasi parang naka-save na ata sa outbox ang message na ito dahil kagabi pa nya tine-text yun.

11.
Pero panatilihing maunawain lang sa kalagayan nya dahil we understand naman na "family first" eh.
We understand... whehehe

12.
Unang babala para sa mga gustong sumama, bawal sa beach nila ang taong reklamador o reklamadora kasi medyo trek ang papunta sa resort, at cow-boy talaga kasi wala pa itong amenities. In other words, don't expect much but the raw nature of the ocean (naks!)

13.
Kapag nasa beach kayo nina kahlou, at kasama nyo sya, siguraduhing mag-ingat sa mga corals dahil sasabihan niya kayo na 'every year, 0.8 cm or 0.5 cm lang ang nilalaki nito... imagine that!' (nyaks! Imagine talaga the paranoia!)

14.
Kapag bumibiyahe na pauwi at pagod na ang driver (re: Kahlou), at magsabi na sya na inaantok sya, dapat may isang tao na mag e-entertain o sumayaw para mabuhay ang lahat -- no questions asked!

15.
Sa kamalasang mangyari ulit ito, kapag kayo ay biglang naalimpungatan at napansin na nsa Alaminos, Laguna na kayo imbes na Calauan, e baligtarin agad ang mga suot nyo (o kahit si gab na lang lagi) with no excuses or questions! In other words, na-engkanto kayo.

16.
Kaya mainam talaga na panigurado ang magdala ng mapa para kung maligaw man, e katangahan sa pagbasa ng mapa lang ang dahilan at di engkanto.

17.

At pangalawa sa pinaka-importante sa lahat syempre, magdala ng digi-cam para mas masaya ang araw! At gawin ito mosaic para mang-inggit ng iba! (bwahaha! joke!)

yesterday was a good day!

I woke up around 6.30 in the morning need to be ready for work
even though my office is within the campus – UP Diliman
unfortunately I slept my ates’ condo
that’s why still need to stand up early
just think what to wear and some stuff
and the travel – from Makati to Quezon avenue then UP
I woke up with a little bit,slight, headache
para bang I don’t want to work
yet no choice
I need to and realize it
it was the first day of the month and “Monday pa”
so I run fast and waited for a jeep – thru MRT buendia station
all I have is my book, sky blue after the rain – cristina pantoja-hidalgo,
and my new dvd, Korean movies – which I am delightful and happy watching it,
I arrive in UP at around 7.30
then straight to my dorm – ipil residence hall
change my clothes
and whala! ready for work
so, usual, work, routine was on my desk
then I started to do my work
until it was already 11.45 in the morning
when I started to feel hungry
I was amaze at the same time puzzle
why didn’t I drink coffee today?
wondering yet it was too late for me
so what I do is just re-heat my food – microwave
then start to eat
when I’m done
I just left the office and go straight to my dorm
fix some things and lay down for an hourto cut the story short I sleep
he he he he he
usually I immediately run to the main library to study
but today hmmm…
I did some, little, maneuver and went to my bed – guilty but happy
at around 2 in the afternoon I hurry up and went to main library to study
oh by the way, the reason I need to study every afternoon
because I’ll be taking my comprehensive exam this month – on the 22nd, 24th, and 26th
so, that’s what I did ‘til 5 in the afternoon
read, read, read, stop then read, read and read
at around 5.30, I was in the lobby of my dorm,
I saw my friend rain and ask her to join me to hear mass at 6.00 pm
anyhow, at 6.00 pm we went to church
and guess what
it started to rain and it was heavy with thunderstorm and lighting
and the sudden coldness of the room drift on our skin
it was a great day for me
even though I am thinking of someone
hoping I can be with her
or even see her naïve face
will make me more happy and delighted
oh what a day for me
a wonderful start for me this month…