it was almost seven-thirty in the evening. when i went to hear mass at greenbelt makati. when i arrived there, the mass just ended and i was rushing up because thinking that the next mass will start soon. but, when i enter to the church, unfortunately, the mass is not yet starting.however, people are keep on coming from all walks of life. there husband and wife, old ladies, teenagers, children with their parents, friends, salesladies, boyfriends and girlfriends and many more. when, i was waiting for the mass to start. a woman spoke at the front and ask everybody to join with her praying the rosary. at first, i was disappointed and shocked and told myself am...i think this will not yet start and thinking that it will take me another thirty minutes more before the mass starts. so to cut the story short, i ended up praying and finishing the rosary. then, after that, immediately the mass start.
after the gospel the priest started to do his sermon. at first, he crack a joke to get the attention of all people. then he started his homily. he speak well.even the voice is really modulated which even how far you are in the center you'll stop and listen to him. then, he mention the magic word that really caught my attention. he said "...you cannot find happiness because happiness will find you..." - rev. fr. jun siscon.
from that moment, a glimpse of notion sparks and it move fast as eyes can see. then, i asked myself that," what does he mean when he said happiness is really in our lives?.many people can say that everything that he or she acquaired is part of his or her happiness. yet, if we think of it, its just merely a temporary happiness.not
long time ago, a friend told me and said that "hmm...it can be a debatable". because that would be depend on the one persons perception when you said the word happiness.
but, for you? what do you think? happiness for you is what?
then, after you think and contemplate it.
now,try to ask yourself this " ...is happiness just visited me or i find my own happiness..."
try it, you'll never know what will give it to you...
Monday, January 31, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
when i steal a sight...
enjoying the day...
hmm...the day is really tempting. wow, this is life.the sun was shining above and the heat is really strong. it really shows, you know why, i really literally speaking, sweating . but, its okay, together with it was the love that runs in my mind which makes me so complete.
i was sitting in one of the corner beside of an old acacia tree, merely thirty to forty years old, that give me shade from the rays of the sun. the day was nearly near to end. around three o'clock in the afternoon. i was alone and reading my old time favorite novel, entitled by the river piedra, i sat down and wept by paolo coelho, and i am relly enjoying it. while i am reading people are passingby from all corner of the park. on the other side of me, there was once a couple, an old old one, both are in the late sixties or probably seventies, both of them argueing of something yet while they are conversing i notice that despite the tention their still holds their hands while walking. inspite of the eagerness of anger that flows in their veins still their love for thyself is really visible. then, i just smile and a sudden envy touch my emotion.
how, ironic to see that, inspite of the heat the the sun gives as well as the argueing still the couple are continuing walking together and the "love" was there flowing in their eyes. that instant moment in their life i was really touch by their immeasurable affection. it's like i was blown away because of some efforts i did, before, yet when i look back and compare it to them its like nothing or not even close to the hardship their been through.
anyhow, so the time have past, so i continue, i get the bag at my side and grab the juice i brought and a pieces of cookies, choco chips which i always told to my friends its the local chips ahoy, so i get one and eat. then, i continue and read the novel. iwhen i was to finish the next chapter. suddenly, a strong air blew so strong from the east...
i feel a sudden cold in my body. its like the wind of december has just touch me again and christmas season have just returned. then, i brush my hands to my shoulder to create heat in my body. so i did it for a couple of times....
while i was rubbing my shoulders, a leaf just fall into my head and slowly fall into my nose then face and then drop into my legs.
i look up, try to figure it out where the leaf come from. then i notice the tree was green as ever. i never see a single dead leaf on it. so i continue searching. i look at one side then move to the other side. still i cannot find even a single branch that have dry or even dead leaves.
so, i just grab again my book and continue reading.
while i was reading, a thought knock! at first i did not mind it. but, while reading the thoughts are really running and keep on knocking. getting harder and harder that even my consentration in the story that i am reading was being diverted. so, i stop, and entertain it.
guess what, the thought that kept on knocking inside my mind was about the event when the dried and dead leaf fall into my head a while ago.
now, i wonder, think and try to connect it to my past life.sometimes when i was alone. i used to be like the leaf. before i belong to group that are so green and strong groups of leaves. so lovely, adored, strong, the color was really stunning, and alive. everybody is having their differences yet never come to a point that overlaps each other because for sure the respect on thyself was much more important. so, the days have past and months. everyday, my color gets greener and greener. its like my days are always complete and perfect. there is no door for suffering or even hatered. even how strong the strom blew me. still i can manage and show my joyful and strong self. i always make some funny things and have fun to the others. talking to my friends, parent, and even my siblings was much more funnier. happiness are really overflowing inside out of me. there might be some problems yet it can be easily resolve and never thinks it was really a hindrance to my happines in life.
one day, a sudden thing happend. the color of my life starts to fades. the reason was not really sure. even my family really are puzzled up and was really looking for the right explanation how come of all people it was i who experience it.
so, the days have past. the discoloration have been getting stronger and stronger. at first, i am thinking positively and don't mind the discoloration. yet, every time i ignore it.the discolotation statrts to doubled and sometimes tripled. so, from that moment, i stop. my usual routine thing was halt and then i started to figure it out. but, when i started to fix it and try to do some remedy on it. i was too late on my actions. my color then was all brown and dried. a minute or two i will fall on the branch and leave the group.
then, next thing i know i was already floating and loosing my grip on the branch. leaving the group and i have nothing to do with it. i fall and i have nothing to do from that moment but to cry out load. then, ask why?...
from that moment my life stop. and all my dreams shuttered. like a domino falling one by one. i can't blame the people around me. and even thyself. yet, a sudden tear fall onto my eyes and drop to my hands. from that experience a sudden realization was born.
it is like all my hardship was strated to move up. a vast of adrenaline have burst and pump into my veins. i realize that, life niether was not just fame nor happines. modesty and humility was much more to be needed to survive. total balance in life should be entertained. from then on, i moved and strated to climbed. because of that, from dead and dried leaf a new root burst and new born tree has just evolved through me...
being who you are really makes ones person live what ever he or she wanted yet being true to thyself is much more important. so that, life will be in balance. because of that thought, i just smile and continue and read the novel.
the darkness of the night is near. the light of the morning has come to an end. it was already five o'clock in the afternoon. lots of people have passby, yet, i did not noticed it because i was really busy of reading. even the children not far from me was really shouting and telling to his father that he wanted to play more. even the laughters of the other children was conquering the park. its like there will be no tomorrow. the happiness they shared really gives joy to all people.
then, i stop and told myself i to ready myself also and need to go home. i'll just continue my reading tomorrow. while, walking home, an accident glance, not too far where i walk, the couple i saw awhile ago, remember it. yes, the old couple. now, they were sitting on the porch. guess what both of them are laughing. like the children who plays in the park. then while looking at them i noticed one thing. which it really touched me more and even let a tear fall unto my eyes. i saw the old couple was still holding their hands and their eyes were filled of joys...
now i realized that " ...even how hard life may it sound,
still there is a window for us to stop,
just smile and let the childlike ruled our lives..."
- gabdavid
hmm...the day is really tempting. wow, this is life.the sun was shining above and the heat is really strong. it really shows, you know why, i really literally speaking, sweating . but, its okay, together with it was the love that runs in my mind which makes me so complete.
i was sitting in one of the corner beside of an old acacia tree, merely thirty to forty years old, that give me shade from the rays of the sun. the day was nearly near to end. around three o'clock in the afternoon. i was alone and reading my old time favorite novel, entitled by the river piedra, i sat down and wept by paolo coelho, and i am relly enjoying it. while i am reading people are passingby from all corner of the park. on the other side of me, there was once a couple, an old old one, both are in the late sixties or probably seventies, both of them argueing of something yet while they are conversing i notice that despite the tention their still holds their hands while walking. inspite of the eagerness of anger that flows in their veins still their love for thyself is really visible. then, i just smile and a sudden envy touch my emotion.
how, ironic to see that, inspite of the heat the the sun gives as well as the argueing still the couple are continuing walking together and the "love" was there flowing in their eyes. that instant moment in their life i was really touch by their immeasurable affection. it's like i was blown away because of some efforts i did, before, yet when i look back and compare it to them its like nothing or not even close to the hardship their been through.
anyhow, so the time have past, so i continue, i get the bag at my side and grab the juice i brought and a pieces of cookies, choco chips which i always told to my friends its the local chips ahoy, so i get one and eat. then, i continue and read the novel. iwhen i was to finish the next chapter. suddenly, a strong air blew so strong from the east...
i feel a sudden cold in my body. its like the wind of december has just touch me again and christmas season have just returned. then, i brush my hands to my shoulder to create heat in my body. so i did it for a couple of times....
while i was rubbing my shoulders, a leaf just fall into my head and slowly fall into my nose then face and then drop into my legs.
i look up, try to figure it out where the leaf come from. then i notice the tree was green as ever. i never see a single dead leaf on it. so i continue searching. i look at one side then move to the other side. still i cannot find even a single branch that have dry or even dead leaves.
so, i just grab again my book and continue reading.
while i was reading, a thought knock! at first i did not mind it. but, while reading the thoughts are really running and keep on knocking. getting harder and harder that even my consentration in the story that i am reading was being diverted. so, i stop, and entertain it.
guess what, the thought that kept on knocking inside my mind was about the event when the dried and dead leaf fall into my head a while ago.
now, i wonder, think and try to connect it to my past life.sometimes when i was alone. i used to be like the leaf. before i belong to group that are so green and strong groups of leaves. so lovely, adored, strong, the color was really stunning, and alive. everybody is having their differences yet never come to a point that overlaps each other because for sure the respect on thyself was much more important. so, the days have past and months. everyday, my color gets greener and greener. its like my days are always complete and perfect. there is no door for suffering or even hatered. even how strong the strom blew me. still i can manage and show my joyful and strong self. i always make some funny things and have fun to the others. talking to my friends, parent, and even my siblings was much more funnier. happiness are really overflowing inside out of me. there might be some problems yet it can be easily resolve and never thinks it was really a hindrance to my happines in life.
one day, a sudden thing happend. the color of my life starts to fades. the reason was not really sure. even my family really are puzzled up and was really looking for the right explanation how come of all people it was i who experience it.
so, the days have past. the discoloration have been getting stronger and stronger. at first, i am thinking positively and don't mind the discoloration. yet, every time i ignore it.the discolotation statrts to doubled and sometimes tripled. so, from that moment, i stop. my usual routine thing was halt and then i started to figure it out. but, when i started to fix it and try to do some remedy on it. i was too late on my actions. my color then was all brown and dried. a minute or two i will fall on the branch and leave the group.
then, next thing i know i was already floating and loosing my grip on the branch. leaving the group and i have nothing to do with it. i fall and i have nothing to do from that moment but to cry out load. then, ask why?...
from that moment my life stop. and all my dreams shuttered. like a domino falling one by one. i can't blame the people around me. and even thyself. yet, a sudden tear fall onto my eyes and drop to my hands. from that experience a sudden realization was born.
it is like all my hardship was strated to move up. a vast of adrenaline have burst and pump into my veins. i realize that, life niether was not just fame nor happines. modesty and humility was much more to be needed to survive. total balance in life should be entertained. from then on, i moved and strated to climbed. because of that, from dead and dried leaf a new root burst and new born tree has just evolved through me...
being who you are really makes ones person live what ever he or she wanted yet being true to thyself is much more important. so that, life will be in balance. because of that thought, i just smile and continue and read the novel.
the darkness of the night is near. the light of the morning has come to an end. it was already five o'clock in the afternoon. lots of people have passby, yet, i did not noticed it because i was really busy of reading. even the children not far from me was really shouting and telling to his father that he wanted to play more. even the laughters of the other children was conquering the park. its like there will be no tomorrow. the happiness they shared really gives joy to all people.
then, i stop and told myself i to ready myself also and need to go home. i'll just continue my reading tomorrow. while, walking home, an accident glance, not too far where i walk, the couple i saw awhile ago, remember it. yes, the old couple. now, they were sitting on the porch. guess what both of them are laughing. like the children who plays in the park. then while looking at them i noticed one thing. which it really touched me more and even let a tear fall unto my eyes. i saw the old couple was still holding their hands and their eyes were filled of joys...
now i realized that " ...even how hard life may it sound,
still there is a window for us to stop,
just smile and let the childlike ruled our lives..."
- gabdavid
some thougths...
One day, when I was having my same daily afternoon routine, which, staying at my achie’s condo.
I usually listen to music while watching television at the same time or watching dvd movies. While eating my favourite junk food, nova cheese flavour and Vcut bbq flavour, well, sorry, its my all time favourite junk food…
That day I come across the movie entitled “alfie” starring jude law…
Yup I do love movies…okay, to continue, the movie is about a life of a bachelor English ma. Well you know what I mean when I said “english man and a bachelor” whoa! Which lots of women really amaze and at the same time craze about…
Anyhow, there was a part in the movie that it really struck me. The scene was, when he was talking to an old man in the comfort room in a clinic. Then the conversation ended up like this and a sudden strong impact shot me.
And the words are something like this…
“…there are two things that I’ve learned in my life, first, find someone to love and then live everyday though it won’t be the last…” – from the movie alfie
when I heard it, I immediately scanned it back and try to comprehend to the exact parting words that the old man have said to him. Honestly, I scanned it as many as I can just to save the words in my phone. Yup, I sound like stupid but I guess it really tell something that many people won’t mind nor recognize it.
Someday or most of the day we always try to ignore neither the day that we have nor the thing we acquired in our journey in life.
Then, in one single click of our finger, for all we now, it was already gone…then that’s the time we panic and look for it. Then try to figure it out what just happened and how come it just fades?
How ironic it would it be but we always intentionally does it…well, okay, fine, sometimes or there are times unintentionally. Okay fine, agree, there are reasons but its not an excuse. There are lots of things that we need to do yet all we need to do also is that to figure everything and try to take time and open it if possible one at a time.
Yes, it sounds neither difficult nor just so easy to say. But, try to ask yourself, when will I be starting to grab and hold it?
when, the right time comes, those important things get loose on your hand and just fade?
I, myself, have done it many times nor exempted. now, when a similar situation comes and knock on my door I now grab and try to hold it tight and not just ignore it.
I already live in this world for almost twenty-six years. You can say, I am not experience or “well experience”. Yet, it is not also an excuse to try it now because, maybe, there might be no more tomorrow for me to fix it…
Now, that’s why, I always treasure every second I have. because, I believe there is a reason why I need to live it and be here every second of the time. Then let the air touches my body. Oxygen travels in my body. Try to see the wonderful colours of the world. Try to see the people and notice every action they do. And even the person beside you when you riding a jeep or a bus. Or even bump some of them in MRT.
Sometimes I ask myself, why, of all people in this world , a kid, old man, woman, teenager, same age are the one I usee to sit beside? Who are they? Is it just a coincidence or just nothing? Or there may be a neither possible answer nor explanation to that particular event why are they in that same situation?
Well, I may sound stupid but it is true and its happening to every one’s life even to me…even to my daily life. Yes I know, it’s really stupid but “stupidity questions” may just lead to either new answer or invention (eureka!)…
So, now, everytime I walk or travels, I never miss the opportunity to smile and sometimes talk to them…try it. At first, you’ll feel shy but when you started it hmm…try it. a simple smile won’t kill yet it will just lead to a great feeling not just to yourself but to the person you were smiling. Then, it will just flow and let it continue…you never know what that simple smile will bring to that person or strange person you have just bump in, sit beside, talk to, or just merely a fast glance in their face…
So what are you waiting for…go on and start moving you lips. Well, if you’re still shy... Try to this, practice it in front of the mirror…you’ll know what I am trying to say… find it out…
Hay, “a day of something would lead you to a better thing” – gab david
I usually listen to music while watching television at the same time or watching dvd movies. While eating my favourite junk food, nova cheese flavour and Vcut bbq flavour, well, sorry, its my all time favourite junk food…
That day I come across the movie entitled “alfie” starring jude law…
Yup I do love movies…okay, to continue, the movie is about a life of a bachelor English ma. Well you know what I mean when I said “english man and a bachelor” whoa! Which lots of women really amaze and at the same time craze about…
Anyhow, there was a part in the movie that it really struck me. The scene was, when he was talking to an old man in the comfort room in a clinic. Then the conversation ended up like this and a sudden strong impact shot me.
And the words are something like this…
“…there are two things that I’ve learned in my life, first, find someone to love and then live everyday though it won’t be the last…” – from the movie alfie
when I heard it, I immediately scanned it back and try to comprehend to the exact parting words that the old man have said to him. Honestly, I scanned it as many as I can just to save the words in my phone. Yup, I sound like stupid but I guess it really tell something that many people won’t mind nor recognize it.
Someday or most of the day we always try to ignore neither the day that we have nor the thing we acquired in our journey in life.
Then, in one single click of our finger, for all we now, it was already gone…then that’s the time we panic and look for it. Then try to figure it out what just happened and how come it just fades?
How ironic it would it be but we always intentionally does it…well, okay, fine, sometimes or there are times unintentionally. Okay fine, agree, there are reasons but its not an excuse. There are lots of things that we need to do yet all we need to do also is that to figure everything and try to take time and open it if possible one at a time.
Yes, it sounds neither difficult nor just so easy to say. But, try to ask yourself, when will I be starting to grab and hold it?
when, the right time comes, those important things get loose on your hand and just fade?
I, myself, have done it many times nor exempted. now, when a similar situation comes and knock on my door I now grab and try to hold it tight and not just ignore it.
I already live in this world for almost twenty-six years. You can say, I am not experience or “well experience”. Yet, it is not also an excuse to try it now because, maybe, there might be no more tomorrow for me to fix it…
Now, that’s why, I always treasure every second I have. because, I believe there is a reason why I need to live it and be here every second of the time. Then let the air touches my body. Oxygen travels in my body. Try to see the wonderful colours of the world. Try to see the people and notice every action they do. And even the person beside you when you riding a jeep or a bus. Or even bump some of them in MRT.
Sometimes I ask myself, why, of all people in this world , a kid, old man, woman, teenager, same age are the one I usee to sit beside? Who are they? Is it just a coincidence or just nothing? Or there may be a neither possible answer nor explanation to that particular event why are they in that same situation?
Well, I may sound stupid but it is true and its happening to every one’s life even to me…even to my daily life. Yes I know, it’s really stupid but “stupidity questions” may just lead to either new answer or invention (eureka!)…
So, now, everytime I walk or travels, I never miss the opportunity to smile and sometimes talk to them…try it. At first, you’ll feel shy but when you started it hmm…try it. a simple smile won’t kill yet it will just lead to a great feeling not just to yourself but to the person you were smiling. Then, it will just flow and let it continue…you never know what that simple smile will bring to that person or strange person you have just bump in, sit beside, talk to, or just merely a fast glance in their face…
So what are you waiting for…go on and start moving you lips. Well, if you’re still shy... Try to this, practice it in front of the mirror…you’ll know what I am trying to say… find it out…
Hay, “a day of something would lead you to a better thing” – gab david
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
this is me...
every weekend, i woke up early because my sisters are pushing and asking me to take a bath. can you imagine my face. try to look at it. this when i am force to run fast to the bathroom and take a shower.
this time its a happy saturday...
you know, weekend is like weekdays for me...i need to move, run as fast as i could. you know why?
its shopping galore and eating time...(bling! bling! bling!)
yup! this day is a busy day and much busier than the my ever weekdays...
thats why i move faster and need to rush... it's like i need to pump more adrenaline in my body because it will be a busy and exciting day for us...
first, we ate all together at the park, salcedo village park, because every saturday morning there is a bazaar food and market day for every salcedo people. then, after we fed our hungry stomach. we walk and try to look for something we can buy. am...just some kithchen stuff (lots of foods).
next stop mall, mall, mall...yup! its our weekend excercise...we love to stroll around from one mall to another (glorietta, greenhills, sm-makati and megamall, landmark, rockwell(powerplant) and greenbelt)...
so its a busy busy busy weekend... hay, thats my weekend,"life", daily routine.
its the other sideof my life when "weekend" comes...
woke up early and have fun the whole day in mall then try new resto and their interesting food....yum yum yum...burf! excuse me....
Sunday, January 23, 2005
untitled and unedited - answer of ely
by ely
January 21, 2004
to gabs, my friend,
initially i thought this is just another cute forwarded email that would make me smile or even laugh. i guessed wrong. this is no cutsy-nutsy message but rather, a contemplative letter from a person who has been able to see life through the eyes of a child.
you made me re-think as to why i don't have any clear memory of my activities and actions from 6 years old and below. snapshots from pictures rekindle some memories but generally i see nothing else.
maybe it's because of our souls. have you ever wondered why you act the way you do? you have a young and eager soul, good for you. i seem to have a young but jaded soul, unfortunately. that's why i really appreciate knowing you, and people like you, because you are able to show me some ways in life which are actually possible but which my mind does not explore because of the nature of my soul. you are able to enlighten the spirits of people around you, and in so doing, make them feel better about themselves and their society.
in your letter, there seems to be a little resentment, subconsciously. you wrote that until that moment you wrote the piece below, you never really realized that you act, feel and see things in the perspective of children. fear not, attempt not to change. though it is inevitable, changing that which other people love about you is like going down from under. good that at the end, you pulled the piece together and gave a wonderful epilogue.
i may not be able to see through a child's eyes, i may not be able to, most of the time act like one, i may only be able to emphatize and sympathize, but what the heck, i have a friend who can do all these much better and much more. like a mother to a child, a brother to a sibling, i believe you would show and tell me how it is there, in you world.
am giving a toast to you for admitting that you are at the stage where you're asking what your purpose in life is. i too am, like most other yuppies (young utban poor). i often have illusions of grandeur that maybe, just maybe, God has bigger and grander plans for me...that i may be able to influence and shape other people's lives in a positive way. but here we are. realitywise, we're back to our old self, in our old dorm, living our old lives. sounds jaded huh.
often, when life digs some shit and throws it on me, i cuss. when it does it again, i cuss harder. why? because i fight back. life is what we make it, let's make it beautiful then.
we'll make beautiful songs friend. we might not rock the world, malay mo, we might lull it to sleep instead.hehe
pahabol: your piece is very informative, contemplative, poetic...
January 21, 2004
to gabs, my friend,
initially i thought this is just another cute forwarded email that would make me smile or even laugh. i guessed wrong. this is no cutsy-nutsy message but rather, a contemplative letter from a person who has been able to see life through the eyes of a child.
you made me re-think as to why i don't have any clear memory of my activities and actions from 6 years old and below. snapshots from pictures rekindle some memories but generally i see nothing else.
maybe it's because of our souls. have you ever wondered why you act the way you do? you have a young and eager soul, good for you. i seem to have a young but jaded soul, unfortunately. that's why i really appreciate knowing you, and people like you, because you are able to show me some ways in life which are actually possible but which my mind does not explore because of the nature of my soul. you are able to enlighten the spirits of people around you, and in so doing, make them feel better about themselves and their society.
in your letter, there seems to be a little resentment, subconsciously. you wrote that until that moment you wrote the piece below, you never really realized that you act, feel and see things in the perspective of children. fear not, attempt not to change. though it is inevitable, changing that which other people love about you is like going down from under. good that at the end, you pulled the piece together and gave a wonderful epilogue.
i may not be able to see through a child's eyes, i may not be able to, most of the time act like one, i may only be able to emphatize and sympathize, but what the heck, i have a friend who can do all these much better and much more. like a mother to a child, a brother to a sibling, i believe you would show and tell me how it is there, in you world.
am giving a toast to you for admitting that you are at the stage where you're asking what your purpose in life is. i too am, like most other yuppies (young utban poor). i often have illusions of grandeur that maybe, just maybe, God has bigger and grander plans for me...that i may be able to influence and shape other people's lives in a positive way. but here we are. realitywise, we're back to our old self, in our old dorm, living our old lives. sounds jaded huh.
often, when life digs some shit and throws it on me, i cuss. when it does it again, i cuss harder. why? because i fight back. life is what we make it, let's make it beautiful then.
we'll make beautiful songs friend. we might not rock the world, malay mo, we might lull it to sleep instead.hehe
pahabol: your piece is very informative, contemplative, poetic...
untittled and uneditted
by gab david
january 21 2004
to my love,
it's been so long since i wrote you a letter. i cannot remember when was the last. but, never mind what is important is that i am again writing you. i have many things to say. i want you to know and share all my sentiments about what really am thinking for the past two years. the things that relates both man and woman. i may be sound puzzle but just sit there and read and try to figure it out. i been thinking about a year or two already since i went here in U.P. diliman. i don't know if i am just a sensitive or sentimental person but whatever of the two i guess it is nice for me. the feeling i have right now never stop me from making it more proud and still pushing myself to reach that thing i cannot reach before. i been living here in this world for almost 25 years but i still wondering why i am here. so stupid to ask that "question" but for me it is important. i don't know what lies beneath me. but what really i know is that i am here for more purpose in life. since i was i little boy i was so happy and seen the real world. i've learned that there are different colors and when you mix it with one another it can create a new one and it is an exciting. i live in a city with almost people recognizes one another but nonetheless i cannot memorize everybody's name. the sense of belongingness was really at the top. as the time pass i realize more and more things that can be seen in this world. a sudden noisy confusions really runs in my mind that even i cannot just resolve it but i wonder and try to think that someday i may have the cure for it. unfortunately until now i cannot resolve the true reality that runs in this world. now i am taking my master in population in u.p. diliman still i been searching. but i am proud to say that the childish like still runs in my life. how i envy the little children that runs in the street with no under short not thinking of anything that somebody is staring their private part but who cares as long they are happy there’s no one can stop them. i too have same experience but still until this very moment of time if only i could live like the children that i been seeing in the streets i will be glad and be happy. but as i grew old and reach the certain age i cannot just ignore the real life that lies with me. i cannot hold the time and said please stop but just feel it and try to fix it if ever i have the time. it is so funny that many people thinks that being a mature person should hold the highest position in life. well, i guess i agree to some point but try to think this "what if all the people would think that the highest position in life is to be a child regardless what age he or she is" does it bother you. well, i guess no because every body is is busy doing and reaching their goal. the goal that they have been pursuing ever since they step in the school and the first step they did when they enter the classroom. try to think this it is so happy to see that people may always ask for help because they cannot do such thing even though how high their position in the society. but try to analyze it. is there something that resembles in the manner of act the those in high position people and the manner of asking for help? have you see the pattern that even the child did it every time he or she cannot reach a spoon in the table nor the water in front of the table. anyhow, living in this world should not just work and work and be the top of the world try to live like a child and reminisce the childlike that you have before and you'll feel the sudden change. and the simple smile that the innocent child have been doing. nobody can explains it even the great scholars that have living for years. don't try to loose the childlike that you have. you can never tell what will bring this to you tomorrow. try to think and look deeper in your mind, well noisy mind ops.. working mind and just search like the antivirus looking for possible error in your pc. when you finally find it try to grasp it and never loose it again. the feeling that you'll be having is nothing could compare only you can experience it. try not to think of what the other people would say just try to feel the different feeling you have. there's nothing would make you proud and there's no harm on trying it. now if you have that sudden enjoyment in your life try to live with it.i may not be a good writer nor a speaker that you should be following and believing but i just want to ask you and everybody to try it. have that different feeling am i experiencing ever since i was a young boy. i may be acting like a child but i never regret it until this very moment of time. have you look at your picture when you where child. can you still remember the first flavor of ice cream you wanted to buy and taste. can you still remember the routine you do when you woke up when you are still 5 years old. those things that may not seem important but when you think of that and let it runs in your mind it will really reflect who you are right now. try to do that you will never ask for more happiness in your life because the best life that you have was when you were still a child. i did not write this letter to make you feel something that you won't like but i write this because i still have the childlike in my heart until now. try it and you'll see what i really saying.
january 21 2004
to my love,
it's been so long since i wrote you a letter. i cannot remember when was the last. but, never mind what is important is that i am again writing you. i have many things to say. i want you to know and share all my sentiments about what really am thinking for the past two years. the things that relates both man and woman. i may be sound puzzle but just sit there and read and try to figure it out. i been thinking about a year or two already since i went here in U.P. diliman. i don't know if i am just a sensitive or sentimental person but whatever of the two i guess it is nice for me. the feeling i have right now never stop me from making it more proud and still pushing myself to reach that thing i cannot reach before. i been living here in this world for almost 25 years but i still wondering why i am here. so stupid to ask that "question" but for me it is important. i don't know what lies beneath me. but what really i know is that i am here for more purpose in life. since i was i little boy i was so happy and seen the real world. i've learned that there are different colors and when you mix it with one another it can create a new one and it is an exciting. i live in a city with almost people recognizes one another but nonetheless i cannot memorize everybody's name. the sense of belongingness was really at the top. as the time pass i realize more and more things that can be seen in this world. a sudden noisy confusions really runs in my mind that even i cannot just resolve it but i wonder and try to think that someday i may have the cure for it. unfortunately until now i cannot resolve the true reality that runs in this world. now i am taking my master in population in u.p. diliman still i been searching. but i am proud to say that the childish like still runs in my life. how i envy the little children that runs in the street with no under short not thinking of anything that somebody is staring their private part but who cares as long they are happy there’s no one can stop them. i too have same experience but still until this very moment of time if only i could live like the children that i been seeing in the streets i will be glad and be happy. but as i grew old and reach the certain age i cannot just ignore the real life that lies with me. i cannot hold the time and said please stop but just feel it and try to fix it if ever i have the time. it is so funny that many people thinks that being a mature person should hold the highest position in life. well, i guess i agree to some point but try to think this "what if all the people would think that the highest position in life is to be a child regardless what age he or she is" does it bother you. well, i guess no because every body is is busy doing and reaching their goal. the goal that they have been pursuing ever since they step in the school and the first step they did when they enter the classroom. try to think this it is so happy to see that people may always ask for help because they cannot do such thing even though how high their position in the society. but try to analyze it. is there something that resembles in the manner of act the those in high position people and the manner of asking for help? have you see the pattern that even the child did it every time he or she cannot reach a spoon in the table nor the water in front of the table. anyhow, living in this world should not just work and work and be the top of the world try to live like a child and reminisce the childlike that you have before and you'll feel the sudden change. and the simple smile that the innocent child have been doing. nobody can explains it even the great scholars that have living for years. don't try to loose the childlike that you have. you can never tell what will bring this to you tomorrow. try to think and look deeper in your mind, well noisy mind ops.. working mind and just search like the antivirus looking for possible error in your pc. when you finally find it try to grasp it and never loose it again. the feeling that you'll be having is nothing could compare only you can experience it. try not to think of what the other people would say just try to feel the different feeling you have. there's nothing would make you proud and there's no harm on trying it. now if you have that sudden enjoyment in your life try to live with it.i may not be a good writer nor a speaker that you should be following and believing but i just want to ask you and everybody to try it. have that different feeling am i experiencing ever since i was a young boy. i may be acting like a child but i never regret it until this very moment of time. have you look at your picture when you where child. can you still remember the first flavor of ice cream you wanted to buy and taste. can you still remember the routine you do when you woke up when you are still 5 years old. those things that may not seem important but when you think of that and let it runs in your mind it will really reflect who you are right now. try to do that you will never ask for more happiness in your life because the best life that you have was when you were still a child. i did not write this letter to make you feel something that you won't like but i write this because i still have the childlike in my heart until now. try it and you'll see what i really saying.
time
by gab david
june 29, 2004
at times your so cute
at times your to grumpy
at times you smile
at times you cry
at times you act like a boy
at times you make faces
at times annoying
at times you are a brat kid
at times your naive
at times so sensitive
at times a cry baby
at times just nothing
at times so silent
at times break a joke
at times you never stop talking
at times a joker even corny
at times thinks your strong
at times so scared
at times so rascal
at times you sing
at times you dance
at times you just freak out
at times you never stop laughing
at times so timid
at times just stare nowhere
at times you sound funny
at times you sleep
at times you just walk
at times you just drive
at times you wanted to be alone
at times you think the world is against you
at times you shout
at times act like a baby
at times you are you
at times you text
at times you ignore things
at times you just say nothing
at times you ask so many
at times you feel your still a 5 year old girl
at times you want to be hug
at times want to be with someone
at times want to explore
at times go what ever the flow goes
at times you color your own world
at times never think of the past
at times want to shot the door
at times you just sit
at times you watch movie
at times you just think aloud
at times you feel sad
at times you long for someone
at times you want to stop your life
at times you want the time to stop
at times you never think of things you do
at times you just do whatever you want
at times you just walk away
at times you do nothing
at times you found your true love
at times you failed
at times you get high
at times you just grab anybody
at times you never think of consequences
at times you just feel so pity
at times you sleep just forget the aches in you
at times you drive all around
at times you just kiss
at times you hug many people
at times you drink until you get drunk
at times you run to your past
at times you ask for someone who deserve for you
now
it is your time
a time to be love
a time to be hug
a time to be kiss
a time to help you in anyways
a time to get what you want
a time to support you
a time to get who and what you want
a time to be yourself
a time to make your mistake in order
a time to get real
a time be true what you feel
a time to be who you are
a time to be honest
a time to said true in every action you do
a time to get your life a great one
a time to let your dreams be reach
a time to build your own goal
a time to trust yourself
a time to love
a time to be respect
a time to give a chance
a time to get out to your past
a time to feel free from the past
a time to be cared for by someone
a time to be hug by someone who truly loves you
a time to support by someone you deserve
a time to be straight in your life
a time to think tomorrow
a time to be lend by a hand by someone in time of crisis
a time to share your thoughts with someone
a time to give yourself a great feeling
a time to make sure you are the only one of that person
a time to make changes together someone you love
a time to tell yourself this is me
a time to shout in the world thank you
a time to let people respect you
a time to make peace of yourself
a time to be who and what kind of person you are
a time not be naive anymore
a time not to suffer again
just be glad and be happy
and let your true self bloom
with your enigmatic smile
things will be fine
that is you
so be tough of it
june 29, 2004
at times your so cute
at times your to grumpy
at times you smile
at times you cry
at times you act like a boy
at times you make faces
at times annoying
at times you are a brat kid
at times your naive
at times so sensitive
at times a cry baby
at times just nothing
at times so silent
at times break a joke
at times you never stop talking
at times a joker even corny
at times thinks your strong
at times so scared
at times so rascal
at times you sing
at times you dance
at times you just freak out
at times you never stop laughing
at times so timid
at times just stare nowhere
at times you sound funny
at times you sleep
at times you just walk
at times you just drive
at times you wanted to be alone
at times you think the world is against you
at times you shout
at times act like a baby
at times you are you
at times you text
at times you ignore things
at times you just say nothing
at times you ask so many
at times you feel your still a 5 year old girl
at times you want to be hug
at times want to be with someone
at times want to explore
at times go what ever the flow goes
at times you color your own world
at times never think of the past
at times want to shot the door
at times you just sit
at times you watch movie
at times you just think aloud
at times you feel sad
at times you long for someone
at times you want to stop your life
at times you want the time to stop
at times you never think of things you do
at times you just do whatever you want
at times you just walk away
at times you do nothing
at times you found your true love
at times you failed
at times you get high
at times you just grab anybody
at times you never think of consequences
at times you just feel so pity
at times you sleep just forget the aches in you
at times you drive all around
at times you just kiss
at times you hug many people
at times you drink until you get drunk
at times you run to your past
at times you ask for someone who deserve for you
now
it is your time
a time to be love
a time to be hug
a time to be kiss
a time to help you in anyways
a time to get what you want
a time to support you
a time to get who and what you want
a time to be yourself
a time to make your mistake in order
a time to get real
a time be true what you feel
a time to be who you are
a time to be honest
a time to said true in every action you do
a time to get your life a great one
a time to let your dreams be reach
a time to build your own goal
a time to trust yourself
a time to love
a time to be respect
a time to give a chance
a time to get out to your past
a time to feel free from the past
a time to be cared for by someone
a time to be hug by someone who truly loves you
a time to support by someone you deserve
a time to be straight in your life
a time to think tomorrow
a time to be lend by a hand by someone in time of crisis
a time to share your thoughts with someone
a time to give yourself a great feeling
a time to make sure you are the only one of that person
a time to make changes together someone you love
a time to tell yourself this is me
a time to shout in the world thank you
a time to let people respect you
a time to make peace of yourself
a time to be who and what kind of person you are
a time not be naive anymore
a time not to suffer again
just be glad and be happy
and let your true self bloom
with your enigmatic smile
things will be fine
that is you
so be tough of it
journey
by gab david
june 29, 2004
a time i walk
i run
and i stop
i never know what my life wanted
i cry so hard
i felt the world is all over me
but i never felt any good at all
i shot my life
i let my ignorance ruled
let me stay in nonsense life
just to live life
i think and think
but still no words come out
thoughts are pouring
but i cannot hold even a single thought
i sit
i try hard to think
i look at the sky to clear my eyes
let the wind enters to my lungs
clear my thoughts
ask one by one
straighten my noisy confusion
just be who am i
let me feel a child like
i close my eyes
look at my darkest night
listen to what my thought said
and feel it
slowly i open my eyes
tried to run
but i said
why run if you can walk
so i walk
let the every step be a memorable one
feel every lines that the road gives
take a slow but surely move
with nothing else in mind
just think of the things what is happy
now i let it flow
it runs though my veins
i felt so good
having good thoughts is like living light
now
slowly i started to clear my thoughts
i suddenly smile and my life shine
as bright as the sun
that touches every heart of living things
i run but with joy in heart
with purpose in life
i run because to make my past understood
and let my present move on
then face tomorrow with great pride and joy
it is because of false hope
my life was useless
but now
hope should not be neglected
it should be treasured
because of it everything will go smooth
life may be hard but with love
hope
understanding
pride
and sense of believe
trust
and faith
nothing is impossible
you will live life to fullest
with all of that
nothing can block you
you are like a rock with strong commitment in life
now i am here
nothing more i ask
only wait for tomorrow
and live my day a better one
with full love
joy
happiness
and
hope
nothing is just an excuse
but believing is everything
june 29, 2004
a time i walk
i run
and i stop
i never know what my life wanted
i cry so hard
i felt the world is all over me
but i never felt any good at all
i shot my life
i let my ignorance ruled
let me stay in nonsense life
just to live life
i think and think
but still no words come out
thoughts are pouring
but i cannot hold even a single thought
i sit
i try hard to think
i look at the sky to clear my eyes
let the wind enters to my lungs
clear my thoughts
ask one by one
straighten my noisy confusion
just be who am i
let me feel a child like
i close my eyes
look at my darkest night
listen to what my thought said
and feel it
slowly i open my eyes
tried to run
but i said
why run if you can walk
so i walk
let the every step be a memorable one
feel every lines that the road gives
take a slow but surely move
with nothing else in mind
just think of the things what is happy
now i let it flow
it runs though my veins
i felt so good
having good thoughts is like living light
now
slowly i started to clear my thoughts
i suddenly smile and my life shine
as bright as the sun
that touches every heart of living things
i run but with joy in heart
with purpose in life
i run because to make my past understood
and let my present move on
then face tomorrow with great pride and joy
it is because of false hope
my life was useless
but now
hope should not be neglected
it should be treasured
because of it everything will go smooth
life may be hard but with love
hope
understanding
pride
and sense of believe
trust
and faith
nothing is impossible
you will live life to fullest
with all of that
nothing can block you
you are like a rock with strong commitment in life
now i am here
nothing more i ask
only wait for tomorrow
and live my day a better one
with full love
joy
happiness
and
hope
nothing is just an excuse
but believing is everything
annoyance
by gab
why am i writing.
why am i should to think.
why should i do things.
should i suppose.
but i keep on doing it.
i want to stop
let just make life simpler
but how come i keep make writing
and my thoughts are keep on pouring
i try not to move
not to feel anything
but how come it still moves
i close my eyes not to see things
but i can still see
i try to close my mind
than it stop but ideas are flowing in
i don't know what to do just take it
now i let it flow
but it seem my thoughts really stop
now i am confuse
i try to move
but my body doesn't respond
i want to know
but it never tells what is the reason
now many thoughts are coming out
i cannot get it
why am i feeling this
now i just let it go
let the feeling go away for me to stop writing and thinking
but it seems there is no end
i ask myself
what should i do
what would be the best solution
still i can't find the right answer
well
i guess i just make it flow
let it dictate what is suppose to happen
i say nonsense
but i felt so great
now i am smiling while writing this
the feeling is different
it's great
why am i writing.
why am i should to think.
why should i do things.
should i suppose.
but i keep on doing it.
i want to stop
let just make life simpler
but how come i keep make writing
and my thoughts are keep on pouring
i try not to move
not to feel anything
but how come it still moves
i close my eyes not to see things
but i can still see
i try to close my mind
than it stop but ideas are flowing in
i don't know what to do just take it
now i let it flow
but it seem my thoughts really stop
now i am confuse
i try to move
but my body doesn't respond
i want to know
but it never tells what is the reason
now many thoughts are coming out
i cannot get it
why am i feeling this
now i just let it go
let the feeling go away for me to stop writing and thinking
but it seems there is no end
i ask myself
what should i do
what would be the best solution
still i can't find the right answer
well
i guess i just make it flow
let it dictate what is suppose to happen
i say nonsense
but i felt so great
now i am smiling while writing this
the feeling is different
it's great
about you
by gab
a girl that every man's wish,
a person you want to live until you die,
a person that makes you things even you didn't ask for,
a person that has something that even your own self will be amaze,
a person with smoothness words that comes out to her mouth,
a person with unthinkable thoughts that will bend your heart to the fullest,
a person that never complains just keep on going and going,
a person that would anyone would love to have,
a rare person that even the riches man in the world don't have,
a person that even the sun will be please to have,
a person that many people would love because of her innocent smile,
a person that never talk to much but acts as much as you wanted,
a person you always wanted to see when you wake up in the morning
a person you would like to be with because of the feelings she brings to you
a person that every man wants because it keep your life move like a wind
a person that you will always wanted because she has a claw that strike in your head
a person that nobody should never waste when you finally met her,
that is all you
and if there are more words and thoughts that linger in my head
it will be always about you.
a girl that every man's wish,
a person you want to live until you die,
a person that makes you things even you didn't ask for,
a person that has something that even your own self will be amaze,
a person with smoothness words that comes out to her mouth,
a person with unthinkable thoughts that will bend your heart to the fullest,
a person that never complains just keep on going and going,
a person that would anyone would love to have,
a rare person that even the riches man in the world don't have,
a person that even the sun will be please to have,
a person that many people would love because of her innocent smile,
a person that never talk to much but acts as much as you wanted,
a person you always wanted to see when you wake up in the morning
a person you would like to be with because of the feelings she brings to you
a person that every man wants because it keep your life move like a wind
a person that you will always wanted because she has a claw that strike in your head
a person that nobody should never waste when you finally met her,
that is all you
and if there are more words and thoughts that linger in my head
it will be always about you.
a day of joy
by gab david
July 1, 2004
Things are so beautiful
Things keeps are
Getting more prettier than ever
I let the air filled with joy
It is like pouring with love
I run and run
Just to touch it
A single drop
A drop
Drop
It is like you feel nirvana in you
I dance and dance
Try to feel the presence of happiness
I sit and just stared the rain
A water that filled with excitement
When it drops
Everythings goes so lively
Like the flowers in the garden that bloom
Or the bees that sing
And the leaves that dancing
When the wind blow
I am so happy
I feel that I am flying
I walk and walk
Just sharing the joy in my heart
Spreading it to every corner of the world
So happy
Even the time is not important
Because what you feel is most exciting
I pick up a flower
And smell it
The fragrance was so sweet
Like the honey that flow in the tree top
I just walk
And walk
It seem that the road is endless
The chirpings of the birds are the music I hear
I just smile
My thought was so clear
All I feel is love
Happiness
And joy
Those are much more important
The days seem not ending too
With all the feeling that flows
I never feel any aches nor hurt
With all the indescribable feeling
You will be never stop asking for it
It is like an addiction
You will always love to have it
That’s what we call a day of joy
July 1, 2004
Things are so beautiful
Things keeps are
Getting more prettier than ever
I let the air filled with joy
It is like pouring with love
I run and run
Just to touch it
A single drop
A drop
Drop
It is like you feel nirvana in you
I dance and dance
Try to feel the presence of happiness
I sit and just stared the rain
A water that filled with excitement
When it drops
Everythings goes so lively
Like the flowers in the garden that bloom
Or the bees that sing
And the leaves that dancing
When the wind blow
I am so happy
I feel that I am flying
I walk and walk
Just sharing the joy in my heart
Spreading it to every corner of the world
So happy
Even the time is not important
Because what you feel is most exciting
I pick up a flower
And smell it
The fragrance was so sweet
Like the honey that flow in the tree top
I just walk
And walk
It seem that the road is endless
The chirpings of the birds are the music I hear
I just smile
My thought was so clear
All I feel is love
Happiness
And joy
Those are much more important
The days seem not ending too
With all the feeling that flows
I never feel any aches nor hurt
With all the indescribable feeling
You will be never stop asking for it
It is like an addiction
You will always love to have it
That’s what we call a day of joy
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
hinagpis ng luha
enero 5, 2004
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
ito ang aking nararamdaman
kay tagal ko na ito naramdaman
ngunit
ngayon ko na naman lang nadama
ang sakit
napakasakit
tila bang parang sugat na di maalis alis
parang mas higit pa sa ketong
unti unting kinakain ang aking sarili
sana nga kung totoong nangyayari
ngunit hindi
damdamin lamang ang pinapatay
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
parang bulkan na natutulog
na biglang nabuhay
at gustong sumiklab ng lagim
ngunit hindi ko naman kaya
luha ay hindi napapasin
walang tulo
o kahit man lang bahid
parang isang silakbo na gustong similyad
sa isang silid na madilim
at maghari sa kalawakan
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
parang altapresyon tumataas ang timbang ng dugo
unti unti umaakyat sa ulo
ang sakit
di basta maibsan
kahit anong gawin
iyon ang nasa aking pakiramdam
parang bang gamu-gamo sa dilim
nagmamadali pumunta sa isang butil na liwanag
para lang mamatay
na walang alinlangan sa mga kasama
o kapwa gamu-gamo
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
aray
masakit
di ko na ito kaya
ano pa ba ang dapat gawin
at ano ba ang nagawa
para maramdaman ang sakit na ito
ito ba ay bigay o regalo ng may kapal
o isang karma
marahil walang sinuman mapagbintangan
sa sakit na aking naramdaman
kumitil man ng buhay ay wala pa rin itong saysay
buhay na walang patutunguhan
kahit anong liwanag lumiyab sa dako
walang makakapawi ng hirap
at hinagpis ng aking sinasapit sa ngayon
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
dinadasal na mawala
parang isang bula sa dagat
o kahit man lang abo pagkatapos ng apoy
ngunit di pa rin makita
maramdaman ang aking minimithing pag pawi
minsan hiniling mawala
na parang hangin na dumampi sa aking pisngi
at sa isang iglap nawala
ang panan dalian saya ay napawi muli
ano pa ang kailangan ko
paano pa
saan pa
at bakit pa
sana man lang
humimlay na lang ako
walang iniisip o alinglangan
sa isang papag na walang nararamdaman
ngunit di pa rin makuha
maramdaman
o makamtam
ang inaasam
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
ito na lang ata ang aking magagawa
walang ingay
walang kibo
wala lahat
at mag isang tumukoy ng hinaharap
siguro ito na talaga ang aking buhay
buhay na minsan puno ng kaguluhan at kasiyahan
ngayon sinakluban ng karahasan
walang magawa
buhay kong
walang saysay na
ito na siguro ang aking buhay magpakaylan man
wala na akong boses
wala na akong isisigaw
wala na
ito na ang aking katapusan
marahil hanggang dito na lang ang aking minsyon
hanggang sa huling hininga
isa lang ang iniisip
ang maging masaya siya sa piling ng iba…
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
ito ang aking nararamdaman
kay tagal ko na ito naramdaman
ngunit
ngayon ko na naman lang nadama
ang sakit
napakasakit
tila bang parang sugat na di maalis alis
parang mas higit pa sa ketong
unti unting kinakain ang aking sarili
sana nga kung totoong nangyayari
ngunit hindi
damdamin lamang ang pinapatay
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
parang bulkan na natutulog
na biglang nabuhay
at gustong sumiklab ng lagim
ngunit hindi ko naman kaya
luha ay hindi napapasin
walang tulo
o kahit man lang bahid
parang isang silakbo na gustong similyad
sa isang silid na madilim
at maghari sa kalawakan
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
parang altapresyon tumataas ang timbang ng dugo
unti unti umaakyat sa ulo
ang sakit
di basta maibsan
kahit anong gawin
iyon ang nasa aking pakiramdam
parang bang gamu-gamo sa dilim
nagmamadali pumunta sa isang butil na liwanag
para lang mamatay
na walang alinlangan sa mga kasama
o kapwa gamu-gamo
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
aray
masakit
di ko na ito kaya
ano pa ba ang dapat gawin
at ano ba ang nagawa
para maramdaman ang sakit na ito
ito ba ay bigay o regalo ng may kapal
o isang karma
marahil walang sinuman mapagbintangan
sa sakit na aking naramdaman
kumitil man ng buhay ay wala pa rin itong saysay
buhay na walang patutunguhan
kahit anong liwanag lumiyab sa dako
walang makakapawi ng hirap
at hinagpis ng aking sinasapit sa ngayon
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
dinadasal na mawala
parang isang bula sa dagat
o kahit man lang abo pagkatapos ng apoy
ngunit di pa rin makita
maramdaman ang aking minimithing pag pawi
minsan hiniling mawala
na parang hangin na dumampi sa aking pisngi
at sa isang iglap nawala
ang panan dalian saya ay napawi muli
ano pa ang kailangan ko
paano pa
saan pa
at bakit pa
sana man lang
humimlay na lang ako
walang iniisip o alinglangan
sa isang papag na walang nararamdaman
ngunit di pa rin makuha
maramdaman
o makamtam
ang inaasam
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
gusto kong sumigaw
ito na lang ata ang aking magagawa
walang ingay
walang kibo
wala lahat
at mag isang tumukoy ng hinaharap
siguro ito na talaga ang aking buhay
buhay na minsan puno ng kaguluhan at kasiyahan
ngayon sinakluban ng karahasan
walang magawa
buhay kong
walang saysay na
ito na siguro ang aking buhay magpakaylan man
wala na akong boses
wala na akong isisigaw
wala na
ito na ang aking katapusan
marahil hanggang dito na lang ang aking minsyon
hanggang sa huling hininga
isa lang ang iniisip
ang maging masaya siya sa piling ng iba…
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