...wISh i Live AND stay here!

koh chang island, thailand

...this is the dream island of my friend rose nidchay (bangkok). she send me this photo for me to know how marvelous the place is.
i wish i can stay here for awhile and leave behind all the worries. want to join?

For HER….would it be the RIGHT TIME?

By gab david

12.04 pm / office while listening to Barbie – single album

January 24, 2006

When was the best time to tell this?

“ …I just want to make it clear to you that even though years have been pass by, it doesn’t mean I ignored this true feeling I have inside me since I first met you. I know this may be a risky action as well as decision that I need to do for such reason I’ve waited for four years to complete and decide that this is the right time and one of this days I’ll express it. I’ll just knock on your door with an empty hand just my sincere love on my heart. Finally, I can already express my true intentions and express the true and honest feeling that keep on shouting inside my heart since I first met you in the car park outside the place where I stayed. But, how come there is this small thorn that keeping me stop to do it? This so-called FEAR that I might loose everything after I said my intention, then, the laughter in her eyes when we joke, the baby talk that only I can see, and the true self she entrust even how hard it is, and even the tears we shared from no one knows, despite of the true intention that I will be offering. But, when will I say this? I may loose everything and just threw away the friendship, the sharing we’ve shared and even the unexplainable feeling when I am with her, in exchange of my true feeling for her.

How come it’s hard to express and say the true feeling? What’s with it that keep me stop from doing it? I know its time for me to say and express my true affection that have been ruling my heart since the time I realize that having her might be the best gift I will be having in my life. But, shy can I do it? I waited for the right time? Yet, when I ask myself what would be the best time? Those questions that linger in my head really blocks the true emotions I been keeping.

I know that if I say it there would be result from it.

First, I may have loose her forever and never seen her for the rest of my life. For the reason I will run away for the ashamed I brought in and when that time comes I will just leave it in one corner and just be a part of my life. But, I mind you; the memories will be just lingered in my blood until I rest in this world. And one time if I will be given a chance will shared it to the people whom I believe that they deserve to have my very own unforgettable episode that happened in my life. And if GOD permits, I will pour it through writings and make a novel that dedicated for her. And shared the true meaning of true love and unending affections that ruled ones life it may be so miserable in the end but the shed tears are not regrettable for the true love have just ruled the insane man. However, from that novel the people will be touch and believe that true love are not just what we feel but its is our life. It is part of our daily living that even simple smile you shared have this so-called love. From that novel the man believe that sorry in not a question as long as the man sees the simple smile in the face everything would be fine and clear as crystals.

Secondly, if the girl says thank you and accepted my offer which is my true love and good intention and even I am willing to take the risk whatever that may come on our way and just let our love prevail. Now, changes will be seen because of the affections that ran into our veins through our heart until it spreads out in every path we partake. Like the morning fresh dew that touches every bit of existence in this world. Starting from the early morning when she opens her eyes and starts her day until it slowly hides and fades then can be call it memorable day. The smiles that I may have , everytime I am with her, and the unending experience of butterflies in my stomach that keep on coming everytime I am with her will just be a part of my daily life until I rest and let life departs without any hesitation inside. For I have the greatest gift that a man wants and ask for the rest of his life. With it, my legacy would be shared and together with it are the legacy of our love and the truthfulness of saying and offering our true self with no conviction. Together with it our hands are touching hand in hand while we walk with our simple affection and both shared through the years. Now, I can say that, my life with her was the most memorable thing that happened through my existence and with it no one could ever beat, change, and even overlaps it. The reason behind it is too simple. The time she accepts my true love and both of us shared each wing of love. Starting from the first time our eyes meet until the last breath we’ve shared. The giggles she did everytime we joke around or even the unpredictable instances that only I and she could share our lives. Or even the simple experience like looking at her while she drives the car or when the time she close her eyes because of the exhausting day. Or even the simple yet intimate massage of her back that we usually do when we were together. And lastly, when I woke up in the middle of the night then stare on her, her simplicity and innocent face that captures my ever sanity in life. With that I can ask for more nor wish. I also love to see her smiling when she land her feet on the rushing salty water that creates a excitement on her face like a child. That only I could describe. Her ever presence is more than I ask for. I have nothing to wish and dream of which I’ll not stop repeating on it.

Everything that I said above would be in good hands or will happen as long as with permission of our ALMIGHTY GOD and everything I wish will be granted. And if that happen I can now move on then GOD will gives us the most precious gift, having our very own child, it would be too much for we’ll be one of the complete family and our lives will just be as what most people wish for. For now, all I wish is that I have the courage to say….with that, everything will just smoothly follow as what I wanted”.

________________________________

“…a little bit of this, and a little of that,

Would it be too hard? But, with true love,

Life is not a question…” – gab david

…TIps and biTS

11.28 am / office while listening to hale album (with brewed coffee at the side)

January 20, 2006

…while working. (Finishing some documents to be filed and phone calls to be done) My officemate ask me in a serious manner, throwing this educational cum dumb question,

(setting: I am in my desk in front of my pc surfing the net at the same time fixing the files to be filed and waiting for the phone query I’ve ask awhile ago in department of English office of comparative literature)

(before this conversation was made, he ask me first, where is the file or folder for linkages of egypt and where it’s located)

officemate: what is Egypt? (in a very serious and no conviction in his face)

me: what? (asking me again…he just ask me awhile ago and I’ve answered it already)

officemate: what is Egypt? (same tone of voice a very serious question)

me: am look for the cabinet file number 2.3 I think we have it there or if not just make a new folder for file. (continuing my work and not knowing what he wanted to know more)

officemate: I said, “what is Egypt?”

me: ha?!? What are you trying to say? (puzzle up with the same question)

officemate: Egypt is longer than the car! (with a very serious tone in his voice)

me: what?!? (freeze for awhile and tried to internalize what he just said)

me: hahahahaha (forcing myself to laugh – mood corny laugh)

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word of the day:

“…little things are often take for granted, but if we gathered them all, its bigger than you imagine"

-gab david

…have you experience this?

By gab david

12.03 pm/ office while listening pinoy ako compiled album

January 19, 2006

Have you ever experience this. it may sound crazy but I just experience it and just happened this morning while walking toward to my office at exactly 7.55 in the morning. This will make you think or might feel naïve or even “taasan ako ng kilay”. but the REaction might be funny yet touching. If ever this happens to you, mind you!

I was already passing through the University Theater and partly in front of College of Music building. When there are two Special Security Brigade sitting on the bench on my left and some cars passing through as well as some morning joggers and cyclist on my right side. The sun was almost on my top waving together with it were strong fresh rays. As I continue my steps. I notice, partly on my ten o’clock, a boy together with his companion (probably mother or yaya or tita). They both walking on the fresh green grass of lagoon park. I was disturbed and immediately caught my attention, because of the little boys’ loud giggles and laughter. Which makes me smile (then I just felt this peaceful thing inside me).

Hearing a child laughter or squirt can really move me so much. It’s like I am going back to my younger age with worriless in life.

Anyhow, may I now continue my unexplainable and unfathomable incident which I can’t really forget and until this moment it still lingering on my head. As I stare them, to the boy and his companion, am mumbling words was really flying on the path where I was walking. As I walk through and get closer to them the mumbling words I’ve heard was starting to get clearer and clearer. He was saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” I thought he was calling his father which is running on the oval or probably at my side or one of the cyclists. However, when I turn around, with out any conviction, I saw nothing. So, I said to myself (with a puzzled notion inside me), “where is his father and whom was he referring and calling?” then, suddenly when I was about twenty feet from them, I saw him looking at me. At first, I just walk and didn’t mind him. Yet, the boy was not stopping calling and shouting, “daddy, daddy, daddy” so, I turn around again and search for the person whom he referring. But, for the second time around, there was no one at my side or even cyclist and joggers near to me. So, I just look at the boy. As I look at him, the boy just smile at me and called me daddy. That instance, I was moved and think deeply. The sudden feeling I just felt that immediately emerge on me (while walking) and even the “voice” of the (innocent) child while laughing at the same time shouting the word, “DADDY”. As I stared him for quite some time (probably I stop for a seconds) froze and even my time was just stop. Its like a sudden blow had just slap on my whole body and I can’t move.

This may be too normal to you or might already experience it or even heard it from the stories from the people you’ve met. But this may sound nothing to some people yet “mind you” that simple word which we always heard ever since we learn and understand the said word is something we didn’t expect . but I tell you this, because of that word I bet it is so powerful that even the universe can be move by it. Now, I understand the true feeling why a parent shed a tear when they heard them calling mom or dad. I may not be a father at this moment but the unexplainable feeling of a parent/s in such a way I could already understand it. There are many different terms that may be use like, mom, dad, papa, mama, tay, and nay, those names are really something once you have your own child or children. Now, I know, even I am not having one the true essence of being a parent. Its funny to think and that moving experience I had will be cherish for the rest of my life.

Now, I am (very) thankful because of that unexpected encounter I have this morning. Even at my back of my mind, I have been praying for it. Ever since I reach the age of early 20’s, and have been wishing for a child of my own. Imagining myself having him/her at my hand or just stare on his/her innocent face while singing my very own lullaby at any given time. Seeing him/her crying or even smiling as well as the way they close their eyes when night time comes was more than I ask for. Those memorable feeling I have heard and shared by my closest friends who have one was make me feel the sudden excitement that someday I’ll have one too. To be honest, hearing every bit of stories make me wonder and sometimes (with crazy notion in my head) asking for one already. But, I know GOD has plan for me maybe not now but tomorrow. Got it!

__________________________________________

…so starting now. I would be living my life to the simplest way and let the childlike that been lurking inside and overruled my life once in a while. As long as I live in this unpredictable tomorrow!

For myself and yours…

By gab david

2.02 pm / office while listening to hale album

January 18, 2006

A sparkling day has just moved me. It’s been awhile since my last blog. My conscience has been knocking on me ever since the year has just started. And because of that it over powered my life when the turn over have begun. The notion inside me are like hales in the galaxy. shouting from one corner to another. Like the rain in the sky that even in unexpected time it will shower with no warning at all. Last week I just 27 and I didn’t even announced it, even to my officemates, for such reason, it’s not important at all ( as I said to myself when I reach the age of 20). What is important for me is that, I woke up quarter to six in the morning to hear mass and then ask for guidance as well as thank “HIM” for another year that “HE” spared (which I should be doing everyday). However, I been living in this world for quite sometime, 27 years in not too long compared to my great forefathers who live their wonderful and fruitful life of 80- 90++, and for some reason, things have just starting to pour on me. Last week before I sleep, I have this notion,

“…time may be so fast, and always been take for granted, however it doesn’t mean it’s not important anymore, for every move of it, a corresponding happiness is added to our life – gab david”,

I have been searching and asking for quite sometime, that, what will be next for me? And what else I need to do? For I will be (fully) aware and be equip of every storm that will and may come into my life. But, what I have is a very simple respond. Enjoy every bit of second I have and don’t forget to smile. For you never know what can bring to others…

It’s so funny to make myself be happy as what everybody are doing as what the saying goes, “live your life to the fullest”, even to the extent of unintentionally hurting oneself. What I am trying to say is that, sometimes or most of the time, we ought to love someone and yet in the long run we are the one being hurt with no particular reason. What you just did was merely to love with all your heart and soul. And if that’s too much, what more do we need to do? And receive the right amount of affection that we need. Last week, i heard mass and was really struck by the powerful words that Fr. Joel Eslabra, a visiting priest from Iloilo, did in his homily. He said,

“…we are each one’s angel, we are born with one wing, and we need to be embrace for us to fly and be complete”.

With that simple quote I’ve heard. I was moved by it. And suddenly, need to think hard and force myself to comprehend it bit by bit. It may sound childish but it’s what life offers. Sometimes or even before, I intend to neglect it and never believe on every thing. Even others say that try to be serious of it. All I do is just raise my shoulder and act as if nothing or won’t affect me at all. However, if you ask me now, I truly and fully understand and even learned how powerful the word “LIFE” is. Learning may be sometimes harsh for us to learn (or learn more). For we can face the so-called reality-of-life with no conviction on it and live ourselves in the umbrella of hope and dreams.

And now, about the saying,

“…there is someone, somewhere that is destined for you alone”,

(as what your closest friends told you) honestly, before I thought I have found it already and ready to live my life to the fullest it should be. But, things happen and unfortunately is was out of my hands and all is left is me, alone and nothing at all, yet, as I open my eyes in the morning I simultaneously hoping that there is someone out there for me. But, for now, I am really happy spending my daily life single and yet happy for there are these true and closest friends which I can trust and be proud. Thank you my friends and lastly to my family who never left me in any battle I took and will be facing in near future.

tushywushy: Size Chart

tushywushy: Size Chart

…an EXTRAordinary life

10.55 pm / December 31, 2005

Moms’ room

This will be the last day in year 2005. I am here in my moms’ room contemplating and composing some things to say before-this-year-end and let this be a part of my past. Usually I never do this neither write or make some notes just to reminisce those things I make nor have done for the past 365 days that GOD created was mere nothing and I just let the year depart with no conviction in my life. But, for now, I need to treat myself something, a different GAB needs to evolve not because I am changing but there are things that I’ve learned which make me close to whom I really am. Not just being me but the-real-me that comes inside or deepest side of my life. I have been journeying in this world for almost twenty-six-years already. I may or must say that I have reach some of the things I wanted to happen and done in my life not because it was destined but it’s what I wanted with no strings attached from the others especially from my family. Living the real GAB was quite a difficult but it was never a luggage for me. Pains are just mere natural but I never dealt with it as if it’s my last day of my life. But, many artists says that

“…when doing something whether you are acting, singing, or playing some instrument treat it was your last performance for tomorrow is a different one from now”.

I know it may sound contradicting to what I have just said, but for me, I never treat myself that the last day will be tomorrow.

My concept-in-life is (too) simple,

“…don’t let your PAST ruled over you think of it just a mere challenge and learning for you need to live TODAY and always feel every bit of second that comes and never worries the TOMORROW for you can build it with more time as long you have feel the real NOW…” (gab david)

It may sound a cliché but it is what I always follow since I’ve learned how to accept who really am I. This year was a very difficult for me. There are lots of things that happen to me. The sudden burst of tears everytime I felt the sudden sadness whether night or day. The denying stages that I’ve been through and even there are this times where I usually run over it (my problems) and comes to a point of ignoring every little bit of it. Even though I can still feel the warmth flows of aches that runs unto my veins or even everytime I inhale or exhale. It’s like a virus that contaminates my whole soul that even my ever breath is already infected and affected. The unanswered questions that been trying to figure it out even there are nothing can be figure which only I, the one, have the capacity-to-fix and resolve it. Even though I ask some of my closest friends still they just gave me the same true and kind respond which leave me from a mere temporary sanity from those troublesome worries armies that keep on circling and it can be found now in every atom of my cells.

Yet, through the help of my family and friends (especially the closer ones) and even those people I get acquainted for the past twelve months, the debris that have been clogging within my soul have just automatically refined. Because of that, I am (really) proud to say that (with enlightenment) I just found the perfect day which I sing-out-the-desperation that have been lurking inside me for so many months. And suddenly I felt that I was a type of person who is now a worriless being. Independent. Alone. Freedom is now started to spread out through my soul. And now I am bounded with my solidarity in life. From the roller coater’s lifestyle that I’ve been through and even reaching to the point of letting my life settled to uneasiness. But, because of the fire that lit my soul and I just felt the sudden softening of it but because of unexpected and unplanned tomorrow it just starts to evaporate. Then, the desire of being who am I have just started to burst-out-from-nowhere like the wind that just come and go. Giving love to someone was not just simple saying “I love you or I like you”. You should have this burning feeling that can easily captures and eats someone heart-of-soul or maybe yours. Yet, when this comes and mishandled. The true meaning of it will just eats your and might cause a greater foolishness in your soul. And when that time comes and felt you need to burst it out please you might want to consider or just simply shot it off. Unaware you may be mishandling it and might ask for the whole universe to defend you. If failed you might be easily beaten then continuously fades. Some may be lucky and some may not be. For me, sort of, I am glad because the dreams I had started in the best possible one leaving every flowers in the garden bloomed and let the bees sip the sweetness nectar. Unaware of the activity it just suddenly hit everyone and just contaminated with this powerful acts-of-love.

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Don’t blame the past or even worry tomorrow yet live your life today for it will make who you are – gab david happy new year – hey keep smiling it will make you young! Try it!

credits:

family

mom, achie, dichie, tikboy, boogie, boyjo,papa, andrei, andrew gaberiel

undergrad (close friends)

mitch, esche, nikki, lawiswis, embeng, totot, glenn, eli, chie, cecil, tuts, sunday, and liah

family cum non-blood-related

pooh pooh, migoy, bryan, pot, betchay, dra rachel, cleng, erin, ely, eric, donna, egg, nep, rhowen

hootenanny musing

abby, jay, doms, hani, aiken, jaime, lalei, che, alma, kahlou, teejaye, gretch, van, jjune, joel, melba, Jason, shie, julius, Karen, donna

dorm friends

east 2 republic, atty nizie, atty ferdie, atty cha, atty lyman, atty luther tphen, rain, dama, sharon, eunica, deb, isko, ava, bigboy, princess ramon, dukesa regine, queen mother, benj, richard ala mega, ernani, chard, altero, clouds, tinx, west 2 (new one),jojo, che, ul-ot, cheryl, clark, fina, reggie, joyce, mabeth, alfred, , joanne, dhona, leslie, vince, lin east 2 girls republic etc.

single group (blog group)

tantric, wickedmoonlight, lemonada, interrupted, tyler arden

yahoo messenger pals

rose (oceanscenter), pao (deadmanipulated), peachy (attractive_peachy) and many more

office of the chancellor

mother lita, ate pat, ate dina, ate emy, ma’am lulay, daki, prof jude, manong romy, manong banjo, manong dhong, dennis, manong doming, mang amang and chan sergio

hands on manila
cecil and perry