10.55 pm / December 31, 2005
Moms’ room
This will be the last day in year 2005. I am here in my moms’ room contemplating and composing some things to say before-this-year-end and let this be a part of my past. Usually I never do this neither write or make some notes just to reminisce those things I make nor have done for the past 365 days that GOD created was mere nothing and I just let the year depart with no conviction in my life. But, for now, I need to treat myself something, a different GAB needs to evolve not because I am changing but there are things that I’ve learned which make me close to whom I really am. Not just being me but the-real-me that comes inside or deepest side of my life. I have been journeying in this world for almost twenty-six-years already. I may or must say that I have reach some of the things I wanted to happen and done in my life not because it was destined but it’s what I wanted with no strings attached from the others especially from my family. Living the real GAB was quite a difficult but it was never a luggage for me. Pains are just mere natural but I never dealt with it as if it’s my last day of my life. But, many artists says that
“…when doing something whether you are acting, singing, or playing some instrument treat it was your last performance for tomorrow is a different one from now”.
I know it may sound contradicting to what I have just said, but for me, I never treat myself that the last day will be tomorrow.
My concept-in-life is (too) simple,
“…don’t let your PAST ruled over you think of it just a mere challenge and learning for you need to live TODAY and always feel every bit of second that comes and never worries the TOMORROW for you can build it with more time as long you have feel the real NOW…” (gab david)
It may sound a cliché but it is what I always follow since I’ve learned how to accept who really am I. This year was a very difficult for me. There are lots of things that happen to me. The sudden burst of tears everytime I felt the sudden sadness whether night or day. The denying stages that I’ve been through and even there are this times where I usually run over it (my problems) and comes to a point of ignoring every little bit of it. Even though I can still feel the warmth flows of aches that runs unto my veins or even everytime I inhale or exhale. It’s like a virus that contaminates my whole soul that even my ever breath is already infected and affected. The unanswered questions that been trying to figure it out even there are nothing can be figure which only I, the one, have the capacity-to-fix and resolve it. Even though I ask some of my closest friends still they just gave me the same true and kind respond which leave me from a mere temporary sanity from those troublesome worries armies that keep on circling and it can be found now in every atom of my cells.
Yet, through the help of my family and friends (especially the closer ones) and even those people I get acquainted for the past twelve months, the debris that have been clogging within my soul have just automatically refined. Because of that, I am (really) proud to say that (with enlightenment) I just found the perfect day which I sing-out-the-desperation that have been lurking inside me for so many months. And suddenly I felt that I was a type of person who is now a worriless being. Independent. Alone. Freedom is now started to spread out through my soul. And now I am bounded with my solidarity in life. From the roller coater’s lifestyle that I’ve been through and even reaching to the point of letting my life settled to uneasiness. But, because of the fire that lit my soul and I just felt the sudden softening of it but because of unexpected and unplanned tomorrow it just starts to evaporate. Then, the desire of being who am I have just started to burst-out-from-nowhere like the wind that just come and go. Giving love to someone was not just simple saying “I love you or I like you”. You should have this burning feeling that can easily captures and eats someone heart-of-soul or maybe yours. Yet, when this comes and mishandled. The true meaning of it will just eats your and might cause a greater foolishness in your soul. And when that time comes and felt you need to burst it out please you might want to consider or just simply shot it off. Unaware you may be mishandling it and might ask for the whole universe to defend you. If failed you might be easily beaten then continuously fades. Some may be lucky and some may not be. For me, sort of, I am glad because the dreams I had started in the best possible one leaving every flowers in the garden bloomed and let the bees sip the sweetness nectar. Unaware of the activity it just suddenly hit everyone and just contaminated with this powerful acts-of-love.
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Don’t blame the past or even worry tomorrow yet live your life today for it will make who you are – gab david happy new year – hey keep smiling it will make you young! Try it!
credits:
family
mom, achie, dichie, tikboy, boogie, boyjo,papa, andrei, andrew gaberiel
undergrad (close friends)
mitch, esche, nikki, lawiswis, embeng, totot, glenn, eli, chie, cecil, tuts, sunday, and liah
family cum non-blood-related
pooh pooh, migoy,
hootenanny musing
abby, jay, doms, hani, aiken, jaime, lalei, che, alma, kahlou, teejaye, gretch, van, jjune, joel, melba, Jason, shie, julius, Karen, donna
dorm friends
east 2 republic, atty nizie, atty ferdie, atty cha, atty lyman, atty luther tphen, rain, dama, sharon, eunica, deb, isko, ava, bigboy, princess ramon, dukesa regine, queen mother, benj, richard ala mega, ernani, chard, altero, clouds, tinx, west 2 (new one),jojo, che, ul-ot, cheryl, clark, fina, reggie, joyce, mabeth, alfred, , joanne, dhona, leslie, vince, lin east 2 girls republic etc.
single group (blog group)
tantric, wickedmoonlight, lemonada, interrupted,
yahoo messenger pals
rose (oceanscenter), pao (deadmanipulated), peachy (attractive_peachy) and many more
office of the chancellor
mother lita, ate pat, ate dina, ate emy, ma’am lulay, daki, prof jude, manong romy, manong banjo, manong dhong, dennis, manong doming, mang amang and chan sergio
cecil and perry
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